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Stop self-bullying

August 21st, 2013 | no comments

selfbullyWhile writing this week’s post, my heart is a little heavy. I’m hurting. Words cannot express the pain that I feel after hearing a passerby, client, friend or family member, engage in words of self-hatred.

For some reason, this past week it seemed like a self-bullying epidemic. Or maybe it’s commonplace and I was just extra-sensitive—picking up on every hurtful work, pinch of extra flesh and disgusted look in the mirror.

The most disturbing piece to me, was that this all came so natural to the bully. It’s as if he/she had years of practice. Almost like an academy award-winning actor whose rehearsed his lines hundreds of times until they became part of him. There’s something very dark about the naturalness of self-bullying. It’s almost evil. In fact, it’s even worse than if it were coming from someone else, because no one really knows you like YOU know you. And if YOU are spewing words of disrespect, disgust and ill will towards yourself, well, then you must believe they are true. That, to me, is the epitome of wickedness.

Are you guilty?

Do any of these sound familiar?

  • “I’m so fat!”
  • “Look at these saddlebags!”
  • “I shouldn’t have eaten that…gosh I’m such a pig!”
  • “I have no willpower”
  • “Look at how disgusting I am!”
  • “I’m hopeless!”

Have you ever called a friend fat? How about pinching the stomach of a loved one and holding onto the extra flesh in disapproval? Have you ever told a complete stranger that she is hopeless? Of course not! Then why the hell are you doing it to yourself? What makes it OK? Who gave you permission and why don’t you feel bad about it? Why does it roll off of your tongue like the alphabet?

This has to stop! If you’ll remember last week’s post, I challenged you to begin acting as if you already own a healthy body. Because if you own it, you will live it and will make the necessary lifestyle choices to keep it. And if you live it, you will become it.

BUT (and this is a BIG but!), if you don’t think it, you can never own it.

If your thoughts are unhealthy, you will most certainly be (or stay) unhealthy. Negative thoughts of self-criticism and “not-good-enough” are like a boomerang—returning and manifesting to you, exactly the picture you paint in your mind.

Instead, how about thinking of your body as if it’s a temple? A place of residence never to be defaced or disgraced. What if, for just one day, you treated your body like a place of worship? Can you imagine the results? I can.

Today, practice a little kindness. Pretend as if every thought you think about yourself can be heard by the world. Be your own best friend…just for today. See how it feels.

And when ugly thoughts creep into your mind or are at the tip of your tongue, ask yourself- “Would I say this to my best friend?

 

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